Over the years I have discovered a general consternation that inhabits people when they hear the word ‘doctor’. As if, more than the disease itself, they fear the generally fat chap, with a white overcoat, and a pair of stethoscopes hanging by his neck. (Depending on the place and person, this appearance might well be complimented with hairy ears and nose, and also wild spectacles that almost look like an instrument for hypnosis. Come to think of it, it actually might be an instrument of hypnosis. But more of that later on.)
My point here is that even though they have, over countless centuries been the reason human race is still surviving; I have a firm suspicion that doctors are not what they really look. I feel they have a deep connection with occult sciences. Now I know this claim appears outrageous at first glance; but let me enumerate the reasons for my belief.
Take a look at the mirror. What do you see? A normal, healthy and, (hopefully) happy face? I expect you are glaring back at your reflection; showing off a set of horrid, crooked and yellow teeth, and feeling happy about nothing in particular… your life is content, your body is in top class condition and there is not an inch of you which is infected. (By the way, you can stop smiling now; that was just for illustrative purpose.)
And now bring to your mind, the image of your doctor. Yeah, doesn’t your heart recoil? You smell that anti-septic stench of trouble… Illness… Pestilence!!! Suddenly, nothing is right with you. Your back is aching, your hairline is thinning, your nails are pale, your color is drained (of course, make the exception in your teeth’s case, since it never is healthy anyways). All of a sudden, the world is collapsing around you…!
Yes, you guessed it right. More than the disease, it’s the doctor which you fear. You just have to remember him, and voila! You start predicting your doom. All kinds of pains emerge, and stealthily, fear starts gripping your body. Holy crap! Your pupils are dilated; your heart beat is above normal! You get tired very easily… Your armpits sweat too much… (Yuck!)
(By the way, the last one is true. This heat is killing man, I can really understand. No shame in having collected armpits.)
So all sorts of creepy thoughts start flocking you… Suddenly you see future clearly. And future spells just one thing. DOOM! Slowly. Torturously. You realize that destruction lurks in every corner, and follows you discreetly. You become conscious that every time you saw someone from the corner of your eye, it was not a hallucination, but your destruction watching you closely, keeping a tab on your activities. You realize that the real reason for food disappearing from your kitchen every night was because you were not feeding your fear well. But now you are. What a relief man, at least the food will be saved…
Er… Anyways, now that you see how flawed you actually are, the most important realization of your life dawns on you. And it is:
“A doctor a day keeps the astrologer away.”
Yes, it’s true. Once you have met a doctor, you might no longer need the services of an astrologer. You might yourself be able to predict your future. No need for tea leaves or crystal orbs or tarot cards anymore, those are all phony stuff. The real deal is a doctor. A doctor invokes a secret spell, and activates the inner astrologer inside you. And life starts falling in place then.
And so, I come back to my original point. Which is to declare the doctor fraternity is hand in glove with the Satan himself!
These doctors are made up of dark materials I tell you. They are not normal. They are evil, witches and wizards under the guise of humans. I think that their education is a big sham, and in fact, they are taught magic and occult sciences instead of anatomical ones. Personally speaking, it won’t take more than a half wit unlike myself to figure out which vein to cut and which not to. As a matter of fact, it’s no different than diffusing bombs; if you hit on the red, just cut it off! Now that does not need seven-eight years of training! In reality, these doctors are taught all of the dark arts and supernatural stuff. Things like how to make normal humans crap in their pants, or appear clumsy yet dangerous and stuff like that. These doctors are not normal, believe me. They do funny things to us normal people, things which bamboozle us beyond recovery.
How can you repudiate the fact that we all are scared of doctors? I bet we were not always scared though. There must have been a time when we used to find them amusing, humorous really. I mean they are mostly paunchy, talk gibberish, write nonsense, and are mostly lost inside their own shell. How scary is that!? You know what; we are all conditioned to be afraid of doctors. They use their magic and science, to hypnotize us into being afraid of them. It’s just a trick of theirs to keep us under their thumb, so that they can rule over us forever.
Remember good ole Pavlov and his dog? The tinkling of bell and salivating of dog-mouth? We have also been trained over the years like poor Pavlov dog. Now we just need to hear the word doctor, and there it is; fear scrambles in upon us faster than Harry Potter’s Dementors.
Funny people these doctors are. But only to themselves. As far as we are concerned, I am sure of one thing. They are harsh and vindictive. They don’t spare. Don’t make exceptions. All they do is laugh secretly:
“Muhahahahahahaaaa!”
Ooops! Dentist’s appointment in ten minutes! Better rush…
2 comments:
What's with the sudden doctor bashing? Fun read but I was hoping for some sort of continuity of plot instead of just an expansion of the idea... m kind of confused, what are you on to here? And dude the 'Muhahahahahaaa' laugh is purely Radhika Mohandasish... nothing wrong with it but looks weird on you!
There is a continuity of plot, but I discovered at an expense how lengthy posts deter readers. Since i was going the blog way, I thought might as well make shorter posts.
I think there is at least one or even two more posts to complete this series. On an average it ends up the same size as regular, though in different parts, which makes it more 'readable'.
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